April 1, 2025

(Below is a share of some of my journal writing as I sat with a cup of ceremonial cacao for a time of sacred communion through perimenopause after the Spring Equinox and New Moon Solar Eclipse in Aries.)

“I’m sitting with cacao this morning. Hadn’t planned on it yesterday, but then I realized that I planned on it last week and filed it away, and the thought popped back up right on cue this morning like, “I want to do ceremonial cacao.” It’s such an interesting experience drinking this batch of cacao. It’s so thick, not really bitter, and usually (so far) only causes one nervous system reset. It almost is feeling like a steady, strong support for this body transition. It has the wisdom of all stages: ingenue/child, woman, and crone. I wonder what the crone would be. I feel like it’d be the seed. The pulp and fruit, the mother possibly. And the flower, the child. Does cacao flower? Yes, and they’re very tiny flowers, like the size of the tip of a thumb. These are the daughters. Interesting. No wonder this is feeling so comfortable.

I was just dreaming last night about an imagined scenario where I was being criticized for not being warm and giving. I was very clear in saying, “I am not Mother, and I am not Ingenue. I’m not virginal.” I didn’t claim that I was Crone or even Elder. I said, “ I am Firstborn,” if I remember correctly. I think I hold the belief that Crone is simply older Mother and Healer. Is that true though? Does Crone still apply to the older, free woman who has always been free? Free meaning not responsible to husband, children, or family. If know what it is–there’s no equivalent of Master, Teacher, Wise One that’s coming to mind because those terms default to older, free men in much (but not all) collective consciousness. But terms for the older, free woman artist, spiritualist, warrior, teacher, etc… I guess it’s not that I can’t use those other terms, but I wonder… what else is there? I know it’s a beautiful place to be in when I’m encountering something I’ve never experienced before and I seek to name it, to point to what I feel, to give a sense of the general feeling or essence I’m trying to convey. I’m sure such language exists in other cultures.

An insight just dropped in about Crone; she is the one who is closest to transition out of Life. She sits facing Death’s door. Much like babies sit at the door of Life and incarnation (the actual Child archetype). This is why Crone doesn’t quite fit or resonate yet. There’s more vitality and life in me, many decades more.This is a new and different stage that is not acknowledged and explored in Western cultures. It seems that there are 5 stages: Child, Maiden/Teenager/Young Adult, Mother, Unnamed, and Crone perhaps. A 5 petaled flower. The 5 synodic cycles within a Venus 8 year planetary period. And this 8 year period repeats 5 times to complete a 40 year cycle apparently. Which means Venus is another generational planet, much like Saturn (~30 years), albeit a nested one. Interesting.

It makes sense now in yet another way why these two planets are complementary (the other being Venus as metal and Saturn as earth elements in Chinese astrology). A new piece of information for me is that after 144 cycles of Venus (1,151 years), Venus returns to the same position in the sky. I was born not too long after a synodic cycle began. Technically, I’m a few years into the next 40 year period and have this plus one more synodic cycle before the completion of the first 8 year period. That actually helps to put things into perspective better than or as another way that the 7 year cycle (Saturn based). Both have important information to relay, although it feels more like Saturn is external and Venus is more internal.

With this 40 year framework:

Child - 8 years - 1st Venus cycle

Maiden - 8 years - 2nd Venus cycle

Woman - 8 years - 3rd Venus cycle

Unnamed - 8 years - 4th Venus cycle

Crone - 8 years - 5th Venus cycle

I am still in the Child phase of this new part of Life. Yet another reason why the subconscious imagery and insight around these cacao sittings and perimenopause experience have been so focused on developing a new ecosystem. And considering the impact of child development in those first few years of life, an intentional curation, nourishment, and protection are non-negotiable. What’s different now compared to my first few years of life are my lived experience and my unfolding spiritual inheritance, rather than only what was initially passed to me and cultivated (consciously or not) from my family and society. I’m struck by the significance of this Venus cycle being in Aries and the next one to be in Scorpio. Both deal with the self, ego development, will, and power.

The considerations of how I best set myself up for success take on a new meaning now. Character, fundamental beliefs/perspectives, desires & goals, education and skill development and the like are all coming up; albeit there’s less of a focus on external consumption and moreso rediscovery, strengthening, and amplification of what is original and natural to me. Almost like with the greater power and experience obtained from the first 40 years allow for a more free expression of my true soul nature rather than one overly encumbered by society. I like it.

Of course I immediately jumped to creating a plan–like any good parent would–but this commitment to weekly sits with myself provides a broader perspective on what I’m doing and why, clearly understanding how Spirit is guiding me. Also, much of this stage should be to allow the natural ego to arise, freely expressing its thoughts and feelings. Mmmm, there’s a key. Seeding a free child. All things considered, I was nurtured as a free child in my formative years. It was a clear intention for how to raise me by my mother. And that meant telling me often through words and actions to pursue my desires and make decisions based on what I want, along with positive reinforcement to take care of myself. While negative dynamics were also present, this was a persistent throughline. What do I desire when my goal is neither to discover who I am nor to seek admiration from others? When all the possibilities exist at the buffet table of Life (North Node in Pisces), what do I choose to partake in and how much?

Yeah, this does feel like going to a buffet when I’ve already eaten and navigating the space when Hunger is not the driving force. (Not that Hunger has been destroyed, rather, that it has become sated because the core fundamental needs have been met.) How would I engage? A few things, in no particular order:

I recognize that I don’t even have to eat and can be in the presence of the options, possibly spend time with others without a plate while they enjoy their meal. (This points to a release of obligation and mirroring the behavior of others to “belong” or seem like the others.)
I recognize that I can prepare a plate with food that will give me the kind of experience I want to have in a future state, whether short term or long term, because Hunger will arise again since my current state of fullness is temporary, like all things in the physical world. (This framing device works for a marketplace as well.)

So far I think whether I lean to one action or another is more indicative of where I am in relation to the cycle of Hunger than anything else. If I just ate, I won’t remotely be thinking of future state. If I’m closer to the reemergence of Hunger, then I’ll definitely be thinking of future state. And I’ve ignored my inner wisdom and Hunger has turned into Starvation, then it won’t matter and I’ll end up eating anything I’m not allergic to.

How does Desire arise in one who is free? By being exposed to options. Certain things will start to feel good the more you spend time with them–for better or worse. So one has to keep in mind future state while also continually exposing oneself to the options closely associated with that future state. So it’s also a conversation with Hunger to say, “Hey, I know you’re coming back again. When you do, I’m going to direct your drive, your power, in this/these particular direction(s).” So, clarity on future state (the experience I want to feel in my body and mind) and friendship with Hunger (understanding its timing/cycles)... got it.